It's 2 in the morning.
About an hour and a half ago I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open.
However, just as I turned off the Netflix and decided to let myself fall asleep, my mind started jumping from one thing to another so fast I couldn't even finish my last thought.
Thinking about work, clients, loans, organizing client progress charts and contracts better, how to prevent the other trainers from sneaking into my drawer and "borrowing" pens, the amazingly cute puppies I saw today for sale on the corner. buying a house, what to wear to church tomorrow, whether or not I should make some popcorn*, why had I eaten that brownie when I knew I should not, new exercises I wanted to try, my weight, my next hair color, monthly sales goals, that guy at work who is ridiculously cocky, what products should I have to sample during my next booth hours at the club, on and on and on and on...
I'm also thinking about our plans.
Our life plans, and how come whenever I make BIG life decisions and BIG plans they never ever work out the way they are supposed to.
And to be quite honest, I feel weird blogging about the nagging feeling of being discouraged lately in so many different aspects of life.
Mostly because my family is close by and we're going over for dinner tomorrow night.
I don't want to hear about how everything will work out and it's not about my timing, and to keep working hard, and not to take for granted what is happening right now because I've heard this too many times from both myself and other people. I've been trying to be positive and optimistic about all these things but I'm finally breaking down.
But I guess I'll have to wait to figure that all out for now because as much as I'd like to, I don't have control over everything and that's what makes life so complicated.
But you know what, at least I've got this guy to be tough for both us.
*Our air popper is really loud, and as much as I would love a 40 calorie snack (1 cup *before popping* of air popped popcorn and a smidge of butter), I would rather have a happy Cub in the morning.
Cause when Jake ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.